Why Don't I Feel Valued?

Here's a question that I struggle with a lot at different times in my life..."Why Don't I Feel Valued?" 


In the sea of people we know (both friends and acquaintances), it can be hard to take a minute and ask yourself, "Do I have any friends who truly value me?"  And let me be specific,...friends who value you for YOU... Not you + the gym... Not you + the class you're both in... Not you + being room-mates...  Not you + being co-workers...  but a friend who values who you are and they don't need an excuse to hang out with you, they just genuinely care about you and have a true friendship with you.

Being in college has definitely changed my perspective on how I define "True Friends."  The biggest impact that has affected my view is realizing how many friends come and go semester by semester, for no apparent reason at all.  I remember being very close with a specific group of people my first semester, and then the next semester it seemed like everything changed.  In the halls and walkways, we would pass each other without a greeting, without a word, without even recognition.  I, to this day, cannot explain why.  And I don't just mean that they were the only ones who did it to me, I did it to them too.  Why did that happen?  I honestly don't know.  But what breaks my heart in two ways is the realization that 1) They didn't care about me enough to continue our friendship...and 2)  I didn't care about them enough to re-connect.  It's a sad realization, but unfortunately it is true.  I have experienced this with friends from classes, the gym, work, and the dorms...   what happens is this...

YOU + BEING ROOM-MATES = FRIENDSHIP

YOU - BEING ROOM-MATES = NO FRIENDSHIP

We had a connection because we were rooming together...but now that we're not, we have no connection...

YOU + BEING CO-WORKERS = FRIENDSHIP

YOU - BEING CO-WORKERS = NO FRIENDSHIP

We had a connection because we were working together...but now that we're not, we have no connection...

We totally don't realize that we do this...but I know I have done this to people (regrettably) and I know for an ugly fact that people have done this to me.  "Sure we're friends cuz we work together/we room together, cuz we go to the gym together, cuz we have this class together,...but outside of those environments, you don't really matter enough to me to acknowledge you when I have the opportunity to."

We treat people like foreign currency.

When you're in Mexico, you use pesos... but, once you come back to the U.S., pesos have little to no value to you.  When you go to Ireland, you use Euros, ...but when you come back to the U.S., Euros are of little to no value to you.  You use the different foreign currencies based on where you are and which ones have value to you based on where you are... when you're in one country, one currency becomes useful to you where others become useless.  Which is okay, it's currency, you're supposed to use currency.

You're not supposed to use people.  People, and much less "True Friends" are not foreign currency that are only suppose to last as long as you need them and are not suppose to be only important to you while you're in a certain environment.

SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

In my opinion, we should look at the perfect model of a friendship.  Jesus Christ.  If you have chosen to have a friendship with Christ, He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) no matter where you are... He is faithful to forgive you when you are real with Him (1 John 1:19; Ephesians 1:7) no matter what you do.  And even though we are practically useless to God, the creator of the universe who is able to do anything and everything...and even though we are even against Him in our sin... He valued us enough to die for us (Romans 5:8).  That is a true friend.  Not because we earned it, or because we were so special or we had a special skill that made us useful or that we loved Him, or that we did good works for Him... but simply because He cares about us and unconditionally loved us first.  He took the first step without any incentive on our part (1 John 4:10; Ephesians 2:8-9).  He values us so much that He calls us CHOSEN, a ROYAL Priesthood, ADOPTED as His own (1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 1:5).

Now, I'm not saying that we should go and adopt all our friends to be a part of our family,...but, for believers, are we reflecting the friendship and loving value that Christ has given to us through our relationships and friendships that we have with other people?  

Do you have an unconditional love for your friends, or are you superficially making business associates and networking partners and just calling them friends?

We need to see our friends as Christ sees them.  With Unconditional Value no matter the environment. 

And as far as us "Feeling like we have worth..."  The truth is that we do have worth.  Period.  And the times when we feel like we don't... are the effect of WHO we are looking to value us.  We want our friends to value us as much as we value them.  We want our parents to value us as much as we value them.  We want those we love to value us as much as we value them... but who's measure of how much you are worth really matters?  Is it not the one who created you and loves you more than anyone else?  We want all these people to value us... when Christ is saying "Hey, I value you and love you more than you could ever imagine."  And I can only imagine Him asking, "Why don't you look to Me to see how much you're worth."  And possibly, "Why don't you value me as much as I value you?"  

Puts things into perspective.



 

Why Do We Care So Much About Appearances?: Part 2

So, last time I talked about why we care so much about our physical appearances...

Today I wanna talk about why we care so much about our positional appearances.

The questions that run through our head are not usually, "Am I a good person?"...or "Am I strong?"..."Am I smart?" ..."Am I beautiful?"..."Do I have it all together?"...

No,...we can very quickly answer those questions ourselves... The questions that we constantly ask ourselves are... "Do I look like a good person?" ... "Do I look strong?"... "Do I look smart to other people?"... "Do I look beautiful compared to other people?"... "Do I look like I have it all together?"...etc... etc...

We look at ourselves two ways... who we know we are...and who we want to be.  And instead of being who we are (a person who is not perfect and has some things to work on)...we PRETEND that we are that person we want to be.  We pretend that we are "good"...we pretend that we are stronger than we are,...we pretend that we are smarter than we are... all because we want others to think that we are better than we really are.

Christians are absolute experts at doing this... Every Sunday we are tempted with the opportunity to look more righteous than we really are to our church peers.  We dress nice,...we come with our "Praises and Prayer Requests" which sometimes glorify ourselves more than they glorify God.  We give Godly advice (that we ourselves never listen to), we point fingers at other peoples' sins and yet never give a full confession of our own.  We develop superficial friendships where we can rejoice in all the good we have done, yet we leave our personal home lives out of it.  Cuz people don't need to know all of that.  Accountability should only go so far as what we allow ourselves to tell each other... not the things we NEED accountability for.  We don't want people to know the crap that goes on in our homes,...in our workplace, and much less in our hearts.

Just an example from my own life... I was getting ready for church about a month ago,...got my nice jeans on, my nice shoes on, my nice v-neck on... and then I thought to myself...  

"Should I bring a bible?"

Obviously I should bring a bible to church... but I usually use my phone,... just cuz I'm usually carrying around a guitar or drum stuff,...and its just easier to use my Bible App.  But I don't think I was taking anything with me this Sunday,...so I asked myself, "Should I bring my (physical) bible?" ...And you know what my answer was?  ...  YES ...  Which would have been a good choice had I not had this sinful thought which followed... "I'll bring my bible because it will look better."  I'm ashamed to say this... but, yeah,... that was the reason I carried my bible into the car with me...I thought it would make me look better... it would make me look more righteous than I am, more Godly of a man, and an overall better Christian.  I thought about my reasoning as I drove and realized how wrong I was to think that,...so I purposefully left my bible in the car because I didn't want to be tempted to think that as I walked around church.

How often do we do that!?  How much more often are we tempted to do that?  All the way from bringing a bible to church to wearing a Christian T-Shirt, to doing things like listening to sermons and doing bible studies... even washing your car?  Do you wear a Christian Shirt because you want to look like a better Christian?  Do you listen to sermons and do bible studies just to say you did it... another check on the list of your "Good Christian" Resume'?

And let me close in on this example,... Do you wash your car because it needs to be cleaned,...or do you wash it because you want to look better in it?  I close in on this because...Well, I just washed my car...and let me tell you, it REALLY needed to be washed!...But it is also a good example of how we are with our own lives.  Do we clean up our lives,...repenting of sins and doing good deeds because that's what we are called to do as believers and followers of Christ?...Or do we clean up our lives, doing good deeds, listening to sermons, doing bible studies, saying the right words, praying the right prayers... all because you just wanna appear to be a better person than you are?  

And let me end on this... it is not bad to do bible studies or listen to sermons or washing your cars or dressing up well for church,...and especially bringing a physical bible to church with you...

Some of our families don't pray together as much as we should... some of us need to be listening to sermons and doing bible studies... Some people need to bring a bible PERIOD to church ...physical or an app... And some people need open up about their personal lives to allow for WAY MORE accountability than they have now...t

he accountability they need. 

The question is,...why do you do what you do... to glorify God, or to glorify yourself?

   

Why Do We Care So Much About Appearances?: Part 1

So here's a serious question that I myself struggle with a heck of a lot more than I should... Why do we care so much about appearances?  Why do we care how we look?  Why do we care what other people think of us?  Why do we care how other people react to us (And why do we think appearances play a part in that?)  This is a very serious question that gets to a very serious heart matter...Are you comfortable with who you are and does your appearance change who you are and make you a better person?

There was a baby shower at my house a week or so ago,...and we have a pool, so some people went in the pool.  I myself have never been much of a pool person, nor a beach person for that matter, because I never liked being exposed so that other people could see me without a shirt.  I always felt like I wasn't skinny enough to take my shirt off... I always felt like I wasn't good looking enough to take my shirt off.  I didn't want people to see my "fatness," or my lack of muscle,... because there were people around me that looked WAY better than me... they were skinnier, more muscular, and (more importantly) more confident.  And the truth is, I still feel that way today.  Anyways, at this baby shower, there was a father with his young daughter in the pool,...and the father was a pretty big guy, had a little bit of moob action goin on... and he just took his shirt off like nothing and ran into the pool.  Just like that.  Now, I workout, I run, I do my best to try and eat healthy, and I CANNOT DO THAT... I can't just take off my shirt and run into the pool without feeling insecure about other people seeing me.  I saw him just confidently run into the pool, probably without a thought about what others might think of how he looked,...and I honestly was a little jealous.  I wanted that confidence.  I want that confidence.  And yet, I don't have it because I care too much about my appearance.  And I care too much about what others think of my appearance.

And guess what, I'm not the only one... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

This doesn't just affect us in the areas of what we do either, but it affects us in how we feel too.  If I "feel fat"... you can believe that I am going to have a horrible day.  If I didn't work out when I planned to, you better believe I'm gonna be adamant about putting in extra reps or extra sets later on in the day or week to make up for it because I HATE feeling fat, and I HATE feeling like I'm losing muscle.  Part of it is that I don't like losing what I've worked so hard to gain,...but if I'm honest with myself, a big part of it is that I feel like I'm "less than" if I don't keep it up.  Like I'm not as good of a person.  As if me being weaker or fatter makes me a different person.  This is obviously not the case, but I think we subconsciously think that... We don't want to stop doing the things that make us look better because in the back of our minds, we think they make us better people.  But they don't.  They may be great assets to us, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and strong, but that does not make us a better person...and focusing on them too much can actually make us a worse person.

Think about it... If you really think that you "looking better" makes you a better person... what do you think of other people who are weaker than you or not as healthy as you?  Do you hold them to the same standards?  I for one don't, and if you don't, then why do we hold those standards for ourselves? 

BECAUSE IN OUR NATURE WE ARE COMPETITIVE!!!  And WE LOVE to compare.  Sure, no one is going to say anything to anyone else about their health or weight,...that is their decision and their own conviction... but in our minds, we compare ourselves to them.  I don't even think about it sometimes and I do it... I'll look at my friends and think "They have more muscle than me,... they are skinnier than me,... they have better clothes than me... they are less awkward in a conversation than me" ... And that's just as a guy,... And the temptation arises to think that they are "better" than us because of these observations...

The truth is that God made us all in His image,...and we are equally in His image, all given a purpose and story in His plan which we call life.  All given a heart and mind and body to feel and think and do.  No one is a "better" person simply because of their appearance.  You can be an ugly person inside and be the healthiest and strongest person on the outside.  And you can be the fluffiest and weakest person on the outside and be the most kindest and gracious person on the inside.  You physical appearance can be an asset, and it can be useful in life,... but I don't think it should ever be a measurement on how we value ourselves or other people.  

Like I said, I struggle with this because a lot of value on my physical appearance when I know I shouldn't.  And I let that affect the way I value myself as a person.  

Join me in trying to fight against that temptation, and to try to see ourselves the way God sees us,...as His own marvelous works of creation, fearfully and wonderfully made.  

(In my next blog post, I'm gonna talk about the kind of appearance that is affected by not our physical looks, but our good deeds)         

Why Do We Let Our Anger Get The Best of Us!?

Seriously!  Why is it that we are so prone to allow ourselves to be made a slave to our anger? 

Lets see, What exactly happens when we get frustrated or angry with something or someone...

1) We have a plan...

• Oh yeah... we have a plan and we want our plan to go EXACTLY the way we want it to...  And not just in the outcome,...we want the process to go EXACTLY the way we planned it.  In a way, I guess having a plan gives us a sense of control.  "We have my map and if we follow the map I made, we will be okay and everything will go smooth."  The only problem is that your map may not be an accurate map!  Someone else might have a better map, with more information, more accurate scales, and a clearer landscape.  What ends up happening is that either you let that person read and use their map,...or you use your own (not considering the other), and you see just how wrong your map was...

2) Things don't go according to plan...

• More often then not, things don't go your way.  When that happens, we feel like we have lost control of the situation.  Our plan isn't working the way we wanted it to, therefore, we don't know if the outcome will be what we wanted either.  We actual get afraid, ...we fear that things will get too out of control and we fear that things wont work out at all.  So, we're left again with two options: We either  (1) Let things run their course or (2) Try to fix what is happening to get it back on track with our own plan.  

3) The Outcome either disappoints us, or puts us in our place...  

• When the dust settles and everything comes to an end... it either turns out the way we want it to, or it doesn't.  If it does, then we need to realize that things don't have to go our way in order for things to work out the way we want them too.  Sometimes, someone else has a better way, a faster way, a more efficient way, a cheaper way, a less painful way, or just plain and simple, a different way.  And most of the time, that Someone else is God Himself.  However, the temptation we fall into is that we don't accept it...we don't accept that someone else has a better way...and we get angry and resent the person who had a different way.  This causes much conflict, anger, dissension, and unnecessary pain.  The other side of this is that things may not turn out at all how we planned and we need to accept that God will still lead us through the outcome and that He will make it all work out.  Again however, we sometimes don't accept that,... we start thinking "See!  I told you!  I told you this wasn't gonna work out!"  The truth is, it did work out,...just not the way you wanted it.    

Don't let anger get the best of you... realize that your plan is not always the best plan, things wont always go the way you planned, and the outcome may or may not still be the same... We all fall into it, we all go through it,...but the sooner we realize it, the sooner we can get over it and lean on God to get us through the outcome, whatever it may be...

Why do we let anger get the best of us?  Maybe because of our selfishness,...maybe because of our pride, maybe because of fear... or maybe because we're just human...

What do you think?  Why and when does anger get the best of you?

**Comment Below :) 

- Adam J. Castro

"Why Start a Blog?"

I can honestly say, I have no clue...

This is the THIRD blog that I have tried to start... the others I (kinda) forced myself to create.  With each one I have published maybe one or two posts, and then I just let it slip from my mind...

This time is different though...I didn't force myself to make this blog,... I wasn't even planning on it...It kinda just happened.  My girlfriend started her own and when I let the idea manifest in my mind... I just started going onto the google blogger and...I made one.  

I fell into the lie that "In order to start a blog, you should have it all together.  You should have a stance on EVERYTHING and have the answers to ALL topics you bring up."  The truth is,...I don't have answers, I have questions...We all have questions that we live through.  Some we can answer, some we can't, and some we can discuss and talk about.  So, why not make a blog about questions we live through rather than pretending that I have any bit of an answer more than you do?

Another truth that we have to recognize is that there is One with ALL of the answers... and that is Jesus Christ, my God...  And if there is anything we can get out of having so many questions,... it is that whether they can be answered now or not... God is who we should turn to. 

So, Why Start a blog?  Lets just say its because I feel led to... Not only for my own sake... but maybe so that God can use this for your sake too :)

- Adam J. Castro