Here's a question that I struggle with a lot at different times in my life..."Why Don't I Feel Valued?"
In the sea of people we know (both friends and acquaintances), it can be hard to take a minute and ask yourself, "Do I have any friends who truly value me?" And let me be specific,...friends who value you for YOU... Not you + the gym... Not you + the class you're both in... Not you + being room-mates... Not you + being co-workers... but a friend who values who you are and they don't need an excuse to hang out with you, they just genuinely care about you and have a true friendship with you.
Being in college has definitely changed my perspective on how I define "True Friends." The biggest impact that has affected my view is realizing how many friends come and go semester by semester, for no apparent reason at all. I remember being very close with a specific group of people my first semester, and then the next semester it seemed like everything changed. In the halls and walkways, we would pass each other without a greeting, without a word, without even recognition. I, to this day, cannot explain why. And I don't just mean that they were the only ones who did it to me, I did it to them too. Why did that happen? I honestly don't know. But what breaks my heart in two ways is the realization that 1) They didn't care about me enough to continue our friendship...and 2) I didn't care about them enough to re-connect. It's a sad realization, but unfortunately it is true. I have experienced this with friends from classes, the gym, work, and the dorms... what happens is this...
YOU + BEING ROOM-MATES = FRIENDSHIP
YOU - BEING ROOM-MATES = NO FRIENDSHIP
We had a connection because we were rooming together...but now that we're not, we have no connection...
YOU + BEING CO-WORKERS = FRIENDSHIP
YOU - BEING CO-WORKERS = NO FRIENDSHIP
We had a connection because we were working together...but now that we're not, we have no connection...
We totally don't realize that we do this...but I know I have done this to people (regrettably) and I know for an ugly fact that people have done this to me. "Sure we're friends cuz we work together/we room together, cuz we go to the gym together, cuz we have this class together,...but outside of those environments, you don't really matter enough to me to acknowledge you when I have the opportunity to."
We treat people like foreign currency.
When you're in Mexico, you use pesos... but, once you come back to the U.S., pesos have little to no value to you. When you go to Ireland, you use Euros, ...but when you come back to the U.S., Euros are of little to no value to you. You use the different foreign currencies based on where you are and which ones have value to you based on where you are... when you're in one country, one currency becomes useful to you where others become useless. Which is okay, it's currency, you're supposed to use currency.
You're not supposed to use people. People, and much less "True Friends" are not foreign currency that are only suppose to last as long as you need them and are not suppose to be only important to you while you're in a certain environment.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
In my opinion, we should look at the perfect model of a friendship. Jesus Christ. If you have chosen to have a friendship with Christ, He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) no matter where you are... He is faithful to forgive you when you are real with Him (1 John 1:19; Ephesians 1:7) no matter what you do. And even though we are practically useless to God, the creator of the universe who is able to do anything and everything...and even though we are even against Him in our sin... He valued us enough to die for us (Romans 5:8). That is a true friend. Not because we earned it, or because we were so special or we had a special skill that made us useful or that we loved Him, or that we did good works for Him... but simply because He cares about us and unconditionally loved us first. He took the first step without any incentive on our part (1 John 4:10; Ephesians 2:8-9). He values us so much that He calls us CHOSEN, a ROYAL Priesthood, ADOPTED as His own (1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 1:5).
Now, I'm not saying that we should go and adopt all our friends to be a part of our family,...but, for believers, are we reflecting the friendship and loving value that Christ has given to us through our relationships and friendships that we have with other people?
Do you have an unconditional love for your friends, or are you superficially making business associates and networking partners and just calling them friends?
We need to see our friends as Christ sees them. With Unconditional Value no matter the environment.
And as far as us "Feeling like we have worth..." The truth is that we do have worth. Period. And the times when we feel like we don't... are the effect of WHO we are looking to value us. We want our friends to value us as much as we value them. We want our parents to value us as much as we value them. We want those we love to value us as much as we value them... but who's measure of how much you are worth really matters? Is it not the one who created you and loves you more than anyone else? We want all these people to value us... when Christ is saying "Hey, I value you and love you more than you could ever imagine." And I can only imagine Him asking, "Why don't you look to Me to see how much you're worth." And possibly, "Why don't you value me as much as I value you?"
Puts things into perspective.
